When I met P for the first time he would just curl himself up
into the foetal position, desperately trying to shut out his
surroundings. He seemed terrified - in a strange place with strange
sounds, people, language and food. All was new and threatening.
Legal services advised the involvement of an Independent Mental
Capacity Advocate (IMCA) to find out Ps needs.She came to see P
just twice along with his social worker. They questioned the home
about effective management of fluids, weights charts etc.
I sat many hours with P, in his room and on the couch in a
communal dining room. Sometimes he would have his radio on, tuned
to an Asian station - I had no idea what the DJ was saying, but
perhaps this constant stream of familiar music and language was a
comfort to him. He would tap his feet or his hand to the beat of
the music. Over many visits I would hold out my hand and ask P to
give me his - but he would only look at me.
Sitting with P, often without speaking, gave me a chance to see
the world as he did - this quiet still man taking in a new world
day by day. It was summer and when the sun broke through the
clouds P would lift his face to the window, he liked the sound
of the outside. Just sitting with someone for a time you notice
what they notice.
P liked to be near an open window, with a clear view of the
outside. He did not like being in a room that is used as a
thoroughfare for the staff and residents, but enjoyed company. He
liked his music on constantly, but if there were people talking in
the room at the same time it was annoying to him. He liked to sit
outside and would cross his arms over his lap when taking in the
world.
On the IMCA's second visit she asked me if P could communicate,
whether he could make his needs understood? I put out my hand and
asked P for his - he reached out and held my hand.
How can we truly represent someone we have not understood? How
can we understand someone as a person without spending time
noticing them and building trust?
Grapevine Advocate
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